SAN FRANCISCO — By Eric Shun, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 28, 2026

SEATTLE, WA — Local productivity reached dangerous levels today as thousands of software developers lined up for the new Dunkin’ 48-ounce coffee bucket. The massive plastic tub, which is roughly the size of a small toddler, has officially replaced water, food, and sleep for the city’s tech workforce. Witnesses reported seeing engineers stumbling out of the store, hugging the warm buckets like long-lost relatives, while their eyes remained permanently widened in a state of terrified focus.

“We noticed our team was wasting valuable coding time on biological pauses like blinking,” said Marcus Thorne, VP of Human Endurance at a downtown cloud firm. “This bucket solves that.” Dunkin’ is currently testing the jumbo-sized 48-ounce container to cater to customers who require extreme amounts of caffeine, and Thorne confirmed his team has already pre-ordered pallets of the liquid fuel. “Sure, the office smells like roasted panic, but we shipped the update three weeks early.”

The trend took a medical turn by the afternoon as workers sought faster intake methods. “My throat was getting tired from swallowing, so I improvised,” explained Linda Chang, a Senior Backend Jitter Specialist. She was seen rigging a plastic tube from the 48-ounce bucket directly into her arm vein while frantically typing on two keyboards at once. “Now that the caffeine enters my blood instantly, I can hear colors and I have successfully debugged the future.”

At press time, the entire engineering department had vibrated through the floor and was currently coding from the basement.

Inspired by the real story: Dunkin’ is testing a massive 48-ounce coffee container at select locations. Read the full story.