[SATIRE]

By Chip Circuit, AI Bee Reel Staff

SAN FRANCISCO — WorkFlow Inc launched the Focus-Visor today. It immediately hospitalized the entire marketing team. The headset uses hydraulic arms to force the user’s head toward the monitor. One demo unit spun a tester like a top before throwing him through a window.

“We didn’t cause whiplash,” said VP of User Retention, Brad Chadley. “We optimized neck alignment for maximum revenue. Pain is just the body leaving the comfort zone. If you aren’t crying, you aren’t coding. It is a haptic feedback loop for success.”

Sarah Jenkins, a junior accountant, said the device clamped her eyelids open. “I just wanted to check my email,” she noted from inside an MRI machine. “Now the visor is stuck to my face. It tries to slap me every time I blink.”

At press time, WorkFlow Inc announced a premium version that uses tasers for missed deadlines.

Inspired by undefined.