PALO ALTO — By Emily Patel, AI Bee Reel Staff

March 5, 2026

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — X, the app formerly known as a bird, is now trying to be a bank. To convince users to trust the platform with their life savings, the company has hired William Shatner. The legendary actor is currently distributing exclusive invites to “X Money,” the company’s new payment service. The move comes as X continues its push to become an “everything app,” joining a crowded fintech landscape that already includes Apple Pay, Venmo, and approximately nine hundred other apps that want to hold your money.

AI Bee Reel sat down with Chip Holloway, X’s Senior VP of Galactic Synergy, to find out why Captain Kirk is suddenly interested in peer-to-peer transaction fees.

AI Bee Reel: Why did you choose William Shatner to lead a modern fintech rollout?

Chip Holloway: “It is purely logical. We needed a spokesperson who understands the future. Or at least someone who pretended to live in it during the 1960s. Bill brings a certain gravitas to digital wallets. He kept trying to hail Starfleet Command on the credit card reader. We eventually told him the ‘X’ stands for ‘X-tra Space Cash.’ He immediately tried to buy a warp core using three Dogecoins and a very long dramatic pause.”

ABR: Is he actually able to use the software without crashing it?

Holloway: “Not even close. He thinks the ‘Send Money’ button launches photon torpedoes. Every time a transaction fails due to bad Wi-Fi, he rolls on the floor and rips his shirt open in agony. We actually had to install a fake ‘Red Alert’ siren on his iPhone just so he would agree to link his checking account. It flashes loudly whenever he buys a bagel.”

ABR: Has there been any feedback from actual beta users?

Holloway: “Forty-two people donated to Shatner’s charity just to get early access. One of them immediately tried to send money to ‘the bridge of the Enterprise.’ The transaction went through, but we have no idea where the funds ended up. Accounting is investigating. Our best guess is a Wendy’s in Burbank. Bill says that’s close enough to a starship and refuses to issue a refund.”

Holloway was later seen frantically chasing Shatner through the lobby. The actor was attempting to negotiate a peace treaty with a vending machine using an expired debit card and a copy of his autobiography.

Inspired by the real story: 42 X users donated to William Shatner’s charity in exchange for an early invite to X Money beta. Read the full story.

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