[SATIRE]

SAN FRANCISCO — Tech blogs released their annual "Best Tech Under $50" guides today. The lists promise to help you trade your money for small plastic shapes. Industry experts say these items are designed to go straight into a kitchen drawer.

The top deals include a proprietary cable for a device nobody owns and a smart plug that disconnects from Wi-Fi daily. "The goal is to find items that look useful for exactly six minutes," said Mei Washington, VP of Consumer Impulse. "At $40, it is cheap enough to buy without thinking. But it is expensive enough that you feel bad throwing it away. This creates the perfect clutter cycle."

Retailers rely on this price point to move inventory. They market these items as "stocking stuffers" or "everyday carry." In reality, they are future trash.

"We call this the 'Pre-Landfill' phase," explained Kevin Patel, Director of Strategic Waste. "The product travels from the factory to your house. It sits on a desk for three months. Then it moves to a box in the closet. Finally, you throw it out in five years. We simply manage the travel time." Patel noted that the packaging is often more durable than the product itself. This ensures the item stays pristine while it becomes obsolete.

At press time, Amazon announced a lightning deal on a $45 label maker. It is designed specifically to label the box of cables you will never use again.

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