SAN FRANCISCO — By Justin Case, AI Bee Reel Staff

January 26, 2026

REDMOND, Wash. — A local systems administrator was seen sweating profusely while slapping a literal band-aid onto a smoking server rack, then frantically applying a second band-aid directly over the first one as sparks continued to fly.

“This second emergency patch ensures the first emergency patch stops crashing the app it was supposed to save,” said Microsoft VP of Infinite Loops, Gary Reboot. He confirmed the update fixes a bug where apps opening files stored in cloud-backed locations became unresponsive, effectively turning expensive computers into very warm paperweights.

“We realized users enjoy the thrill of uncertainty when clicking ‘Send’,” explained Director of Panic, Linda Screen. “It keeps the workday spicy.” She noted that office workers are now adopting a “pray and spray” approach to email, where they hit send and immediately hide under their desks.

At press time, Microsoft announced a third update to repair the “Check for Updates” button, which had sadly updated itself out of existence.

Inspired by the real story: Microsoft had to release a second emergency patch because the first fix for Outlook crashes actually caused more problems with cloud files. Read the full story.