“To ensure our AI generates high-fidelity cat images 0.4 seconds faster, we simply require the energy output of a small sun,” said Chief Energy Officer Miles Rodd, referencing new deals with TerraPower and Oklo. “While the faint metallic taste in the air might annoy some neighbors, it is a small price to pay for optimized engagement metrics.”

Local line cook Sarah Curie, working at a diner two blocks from the data center, felt the impact during the lunch rush. As she reached for a stainless steel ladle, the utensil grew searing hot in her hand, and the kitchen’s microwave began operating spontaneously without being plugged into the wall.

At press time, Meta announced a new Quest headset featuring a built-in micro-reactor so users can finally “feel the warmth” of the metaverse while gently radiating their living rooms.

Inspired by Meta signs deals with three nuclear companies for 6-plus GW of power.