[SATIRE]

ATLANTA — Officials confirmed Tuesday that a software bug exposed the personal data of thousands of jurors. The glitch affected court systems in several states. The vendor describes this as a new "radical transparency" feature.

The software, built by a major government contractor, allowed anyone to view juror names and addresses. It also revealed phone numbers. "We view privacy as a barrier," explained Kevin O’Malley, VP of Digital Trust. "The glitch removed that barrier. Now the public can verify that jurors are real people. They are real people with real houses and real credit scores that are now at risk."

Court administrators defended the vendor. They argued that jury duty is about sacrifice. Usually, that means missing work for $15 a day. Now, it involves a deeper commitment. "Citizens often complain that jury duty is boring," said Linda Patel, Director of Judicial Efficiency. "This adds excitement. You serve your country during the day. At night, you fight fraudulent charges on your credit card. It is a 24-hour experience."

The vendor noted that fixing the bug is not a priority. They claim the exposure helps streamline the process. "Knowing a juror’s home address helps the legal team connect with them," O’Malley added. "It builds community. Nothing says ‘community’ like a defendant knowing exactly where you sleep."

At press time, the court announced a new security measure. To check in for service, jurors must now post their mother’s maiden name on Facebook.

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