AUSTIN, TX — Cybersecurity giant CrowdStrike moved to reassure investors this week after firing a suspicious insider accused of leaking sensitive data, clarifying that the incident does not count as hacking if the criminal had to pass a background check first.

The company faced scrutiny after reports surfaced that an employee had shared internal screenshots with an alleged hacker group. However, executives argue that their digital walls remained perfectly intact, noting that the intruder used a valid employee ID badge rather than a computer virus.

“We refuse to call this a cybersecurity failure,” said Marcus Thorne, CrowdStrike’s Director of Definition Management. “Hacking implies a sophisticated technical bypass of our systems. This was simply a staff member engaging in aggressive, unauthorized information sharing. If you give a burglar the keys to your house, the lock didn’t fail. You just have a very generous roommate.”

Experts say the incident highlights a growing trend where the hardest part of stealing corporate secrets is surviving the three rounds of interviews required to get access to them.

“Our firewall is actually working perfectly,” said Brenda Halloway, VP of Human Resources Vulnerabilities. “To steal our data, these bad actors had to submit a resume, pass a drug test, and sit through four hours of orientation videos. That is the most robust barrier to entry in the industry.”

At publishing time, CrowdStrike had updated its security policy to require all future hackers to provide two professional references and a cover letter before stealing customer files.

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