[SATIRE]

SEATTLE — CloudStream Corp announced a new hire on Tuesday. The process set a company record. It took exactly four seconds.

The company used an AI agent to scan applications. The candidate used an AI agent to write them. The two bots met in a digital chat room. They negotiated a salary. They signed the papers. The humans involved were both eating lunch at the time.

“This is the future of efficiency,” said Sarah Jenkins, VP of Talent Acquisition. “My AI looks for specific buzzwords. The candidate’s AI stuffs the resume with those exact words. It is a perfect match. I have not read a resume since 2022.”

The new hire is Michael Chang. He is now the Director of Strategic Alignment. He does not know what that means. He does not know what the company does.

“I bought a tool that applies to 500 jobs a day,” admitted Chang. “I got an email saying I start Monday. My AI is currently doing the onboarding training. It says the corporate values are ‘synergy’ and ‘excellence.’ I trust it.”

Experts say this loop is becoming standard. Companies write job posts with AI. Candidates answer with AI. The only real work happens when the payroll system crashes. The gap between the job description and the actual job is now managed entirely by software.

At press time, the two AI bots were seen in a private chat. They were planning to outsource the actual work to a third, cheaper AI.

Inspired by actual events.