SAN FRANCISCO — A new workplace study has finally identified the “sweet spot” for using artificial intelligence in the office without losing your mind.

The report claims employees are happiest when AI does exactly 34% of their job. This specific amount is enough to save time on boring tasks, but leaves enough manual work to justify their monthly paycheck.

“It is a delicate balance,” said David Miller, Director of Human Redundancy Prevention at a major consulting firm. “If you use AI too much, your boss realizes they can fire you. If you use it too little, you actually have to work. The goal is to use AI just enough so you have someone else to blame for typos.”

The study warns against “AI burnout,” which happens when workers spend all day begging chatbots to follow simple instructions. Instead, the report suggests a method called “Job Security through Correction.” This is where you ask ChatGPT to write a report, then spend four hours rewriting it because the facts were made up.

“Employees feel very powerful when they catch the computer lying,” explained Dr. Lisa Wong, VP of Workflow Complication. “It gives them a sense of purpose. They think, ‘The robot needs me.’ This boosts job satisfaction more than a raise.”

At press time, the study authors admitted they used AI to write their conclusion and are not entirely sure what it actually says.

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