MENLO PARK, CA — Meta has officially launched a trade-in program for its smart glasses running through December 31st, offering customers a unique way to save money on new hardware. While the standard deal offers credit for old frames, a new “Executive Access” tier gives users an additional $50 discount if they agree to let the CEO randomly tap into their camera feed on weekends.

According to the legal page on Meta’s website, the trade-in discounts apply to the Ray-Ban Meta Gen 1, Ray-Ban Meta Gen 2, and Oakley Meta HSTN models. To unlock the maximum value, customers must check a box allowing the glasses to “share life’s precious moments” directly with upper management. “We want to remove the barriers between our leadership and your breakfast,” said Greg Tannenbaum, Meta’s Director of Voluntary Privacy Surrender. “For a modest discount, you become a walking content camera for the C-suite. It is about connection, mostly.”

Early participants in the pilot program report that the smart glasses physically vibrate when headquarters is watching. Some users noted the built-in speakers occasionally whisper requests to “look closer at that spreadsheet” or “please turn your head toward the barbecue sauce.” The company insists this feature helps train their AI to understand human behavior. “Our users love the feeling of being constantly perceived,” explained Sarah Jenkins, Vice President of Uncomfortable Intimacy. “It turns the solitary act of walking your dog into a collaborative corporate meeting.”

At press time, Meta updated the terms to clarify that the trade-in credit for the Oakley Meta Vanguard is immediately revoked if the user is caught looking at an Apple Vision Pro for more than three seconds.

Inspired by actual events.