SAN FRANCISCO — By Mike Rosoff, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 2, 2026

AUSTIN, Texas — The tech world gasped in awe today as Tesla CEO Elon Musk unveiled the “future of robotics,” which appeared to be a standard Roomba vacuum with a plastic mannequin head duct-taped to the top. The robot, moving at a blistering 0.1 mph, successfully crossed three feet of stage before getting stuck on a microphone cable.

“The staggering complexity of the duct tape application represents a quantum leap in adhesion technology,” said VP of Engineering Kevin Brooks, watching the robot repeatedly bump into a wall. “While actual production will be ‘agonizingly slow’ in 2026, this unit is fully capable of navigating your living room, provided the floor is perfectly flat and you don’t mind it eating your phone charger.”

“We are reinventing what it means to be human,” explained Director of Autonomy Linda Chang, pointing to a red wagon tied to the vacuum with twine. “This Cybercab prototype fits two hamsters comfortably. It is safer than a human driver because it cannot physically go fast enough to hurt anyone, and it stops automatically when the battery dies after 12 minutes.”

At press time, the robot was seen asking for a software update after getting wedged under the breakroom couch for three hours.

Inspired by the real story: Elon Musk admitted that production for Tesla’s robotaxis and humanoid robots will be extremely slow throughout 2026. Read the full story.