SAN FRANCISCO — By Mike Rosoff, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 2, 2026

NEW YORK, NY — Local commuter Gary Plimpton was spotted enjoying classic literature on the subway this morning. He held the new Xteink X4, a screen the size of a postage stamp, while staring through a jeweler’s loupe and delicately turning pages with a pair of precision tweezers.

“We realized that legible text was just feature bloat,” said VP of Shrinkage Linda Smalls. “The $69 Xteink X4 is even smaller than the Kobo Mini, allowing users to lose it in their own pockets instantly. It really streamlines the reading process by making it physically impossible.”

“The lack of a backlight actually saves energy, specifically yours,” explained Head of Vision Loss Dr. Seymour Blur. “If you cannot see the words, you cannot get angry at the plot holes.” He noted that one beta tester accidentally mistook the device for a breath mint and ate his entire library.

At press time, Xteink announced a hands-free ‘Pro’ version that is just a contact lens with “The Great Gatsby” tattooed on it backwards.

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