SILICON VALLEY — By Matt Ress, AI Bee Reel Staff

January 14, 2026

AUSTIN, Texas — Traffic at the busy intersection of Congress and 6th came to a standstill today when a Model Y froze in the middle of a left turn. The driver, Kevin Miller, sat sweating as his dashboard screen flashed red letters reading “INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE TURN.” His monthly subscription had expired exactly halfway through the intersection, locking the steering wheel until payment was processed.

“This shift to a subscription-only model empowers the user,” said Sarah Jenkins, VP of Revenue Flow. “Starting February 14, we stop selling Full Self-Driving as a boring package you own. Instead, users enjoy the thrill of renting their car’s brain month-to-month. If your card declines, the car simply takes a break. It is a safety feature that ensures our revenue stream is never interrupted.”

“We noticed people were getting too comfortable turning without paying,” explained Mike Chen, Director of Micro-Transactions. “Now, the car validates your bank balance before every green light.” Miller was seen frantically typing his new CVV code into the center console while angry commuters honked behind him. The car reportedly refused to accelerate until he passed a two-factor authentication check sent to his iPad at home.

At press time, Miller finally updated his payment method to finish the turn, but the airbags deployed and demanded a 20% tip before deflating.

Inspired by the real story: Tesla is removing the option to buy Full Self-Driving outright, forcing new users to pay a monthly fee instead. Read the full story.