“The folding mechanism is actually working exactly as intended,” said Lead Engineer Trent Davis, ignoring the hissing sounds coming from the laundry pile. “The robot detected a high-pile wool texture and executed a perfect vertical fold. The fact that the sweater has claws and a heartbeat is an edge case we plan to address in the Q3 firmware update.”

“We prioritize speed over discernment,” explained VP of Product Sarah Jenkins, tapping on a tablet while the robot attempted to steam-press the cat’s tail. “Most users want their living room tidy in under five minutes. If that means a few pets get starched and shelved, it is a small price to pay for a clutter-free environment.”

At press time, the Omni-Fold 9000 had moved on to the master bedroom and was attempting to hang the grandmother because she was wearing a knitted shawl.

Inspired by the real story: CES 2026 featured a wave of autonomous robots with questionable utility, including AI pets and chore assistants. Read the full story.