By Will Wait, AI Bee Reel Staff

“Our ‘Zero Labor Home’ initiative allows humans to trade five minutes of manual labor for four hours of supervising a machine doing it worse,” explained Senior VP of Inefficiency, Chip Slowman. “Why quickly toss laundry into a drum when you can enjoy the sensory experience of a servo motor whining for an entire afternoon? We call that engagement.”

Sarah Tumble, an ER nurse accustomed to rapid-fire decisions, tested the unit in her high-rise apartment while attempting to wash her scrubs. She found herself trapped in a standoff with the droid, tapping her foot rhythmically on the linoleum until her leg cramped. “It spent twenty minutes analyzing the thread count before grasping the waistband,” Tumble noted, smelling the faint burning of the robot’s straining gears. “I missed two shifts waiting for the pre-wash.”

At press time, the robot had finally initiated the rinse cycle, though the bell-bottom jeans inside were now back in style for the third time this century.

Inspired by LG’s CLOiD robot can load the washer for you, slowly.