“Our goal wasn’t just compatibility, but total historical accuracy,” said Epilogue Product Lead Marcus Lane, noting that the device uses original hardware architecture to reject clean cartridges. “We realized digital emulators were far too efficient. By reintroducing the need for spittle-based maintenance, we have successfully ported the frustration of 1993 directly to your modern USB-C port. If the game loads on the first try, the unit is likely defective.”

Sarah Pins, a triage nurse at Mercy General, attempted to play Super Mario World on her break in the staff lounge. Witnesses report she ignored her coffee for thirty minutes, opting instead to frantically exhale into the gray plastic rectangle jutting out of her $3,000 MacBook Pro. “The connector pins tasted like stale attic insulation and copper,” Pins whispered hoarsely, clutching the desk for stability as the screen finally flickered to life.

At press time, Epilogue announced a mandatory firmware update that requires users to smack the side of their 4K monitor and hold the HDMI cable at a precise 45-degree angle to maintain the video signal.

Inspired by Turn your PC into a Super Nintendo with Epilogue’s new USB dock.