“We listened to the data showing employees value flexibility,” said Pander, using a metal ruler to measure the exact six-inch gap between a standing desk and a twin mattress. “We have settled the debate by simply redefining ‘home’ to mean ‘Cubicle 4B.’ Technically, you are working from home if you never leave the building. It is the ultimate productivity hack.”

Data Analyst Otto Correct attempted to celebrate the new arrangement but found the physical comedy of the situation unavoidable. While trying to log into a mandatory Zoom happy hour from a bean bag chair bolted to the floor, he realized the air smelled faintly of stale coffee and permanence. His commute had successfully been reduced to zero, primarily because the biometric scanners on the exit doors were now disabled.

At press time, HR unveiled the next phase of “immersive hybrid living,” requiring junior associates to nest inside the acoustic ceiling tiles to maximize vertical synergy.

Inspired by How 2026 Could be the Year the RTO and WFH Debate Gets Settled.