[SATIRE]

MEMPHIS — xAI announced plans to build a solar farm next to its Colossus data center. The new site covers 88 acres. The company calls this a “major step” for green energy. Experts note the data center consumes the same power as a mid-sized city.

The solar farm will help offset a fraction of a percent of the facility’s needs. “We are committed to sustainability,” said Sanjay Patel, VP of Environmental Messaging. “This solar farm produces enough power to run the lobby air conditioning until noon. It also charges the reception desk iPad. We believe every electron counts, even if we use billions of them per second.”

The project sits next to the world’s largest AI supercomputer. The facility runs 100,000 specialized chips day and night. Locals say the hum of the cooling fans shakes their windows. “We have to be realistic about physics,” explained Linda Washington, Director of Power Perception. “The solar panels cannot run the AI. The AI needs a small nuclear reactor. But the panels run the mood lighting in the cafeteria. That makes employees feel green while they train models that melt the polar ice caps.”

At press time, xAI announced a wind energy initiative. It consists of three interns blowing on a pinwheel.

Inspired by actual events.