“We realized that 90% of corporate synergy can be expressed with a thumbs-up or a poop emoji, significantly reducing the need for actual literacy,” said Brad Hedges, VP of User Delight. “By gamifying serious professional communication, we allow stakeholders to engage with complex litigation through the intuitive language of cartoon eggplants. It creates a frictionless vibe.”

While competitors introduced reaction icons to personal accounts two years ago, WorkSync is the first to enforce them for critical legal correspondence. The new interface hides standard reply buttons inside a pixelated smiley face, forcing users to navigate a 12-screen process just to type the word “Received.”

Sarah Jenkins, a Junior Analyst at OmniCorp, faced disaster while reading a grim email about company-wide layoffs. “I reached for the mouse to express condolences, but the cursor drifted three pixels left,” Jenkins said. She spent the next 8.5 minutes watching a giant animated ‘Party Popper’ explode across the screen before frantically trying to smash her laptop with a coffee mug to undo it.

At press time, WorkSync announced that all future Q4 financial projections must be submitted exclusively via interpretive emoji strings to avoid offending the algorithm.

Inspired by Did you know that Gmail has emoji reactions?.