[SATIRE]

MOUNTAIN VIEW — Waymo issued a voluntary software recall this week. The company admits its robotaxis have a specific blind spot. The advanced AI does not know how to handle a school bus.

The update addresses a glitch where cars fail to predict what a bus will do. Executives say the problem is that buses are too obvious. “The color yellow is technically very aggressive,” said Sanjay O’Malley, VP of Visual Perception. “Our sensors are trained to spot subtle dangers. A forty-foot bright yellow box that stops every block is simply too big to be true. The AI assumes it must be a hallucination.”

Documents show the software struggled with the concept of ‘stopping for children.’ The system reportedly viewed the flashing red lights as a suggestion rather than a command. “We call this ‘probabilistic hesitation’,” explained Linda Petrov, Head of Roadway Ethics. “The car calculates the odds of the bus being real. While it does the math, it keeps rolling forward. We are now teaching the model that federal traffic laws are not optional.”

Waymo says the fix is already rolling out. The patch forces the car to treat any large yellow object as a solid wall. This may cause delays near banana trucks, but the company calls that an acceptable trade-off.

At press time, Waymo announced a new training module. It will teach the AI to recognize fire trucks, provided they are not moving too fast.

Inspired by Waymo to issue software recall over how robotaxis behave around school buses.