[SATIRE]

MENLO PARK — A leading venture capital firm announced a breakthrough Tuesday. They have discovered a “hidden” market of four billion people. They are calling this group “Women.” The firm claims this untapped user base enjoys things like sports and buying tickets.

The partners admit they ignored this group for decades. They assumed sports were only for men in hoodies. Now, they say investing in women’s teams is a “contrarian bet” that they invented. They are calling it a market correction.

“We ran the numbers three times,” said David Petrov, Managing Partner at Alpha Disrupt. “We found a massive inefficiency in the global market. It turns out, half the planet was not being sold things. We call this ‘Project XX.’ We believe we are the first to notice that these people have money.”

The firm is now hiring experts to explain this new demographic. They want to know if this group uses the internet. They have paused their other investments in “Uber for Dog Walkers” to focus on this.

“It is like discovering a new continent,” explained Sarah Cohen, VP of Market Discovery. “Before us, nobody knew these people liked competition. We are disrupting the concept of ‘ignoring half the world.’ Our pitch deck calls it the ultimate growth hack.”

At press time, the firm announced a seed round for another rare niche concept called “people over 40.”

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