[SATIRE]

SEATTLE — The Tessan 140W Universal Travel Adapter hit a record low price on Tuesday. Tech blogs called it a “must-have.” Travelers celebrated the chance to buy a heavy plastic brick. This purchase is necessary because the world still refuses to agree on a single wall socket.

The device solves a problem that should not exist. It allows a US plug to fit into a UK hole. It weighs nearly a pound. It takes up valuable space in your bag. But experts say this is the price of global innovation.

“We looked at the messy state of global power,” said Chloe Rossi, VP of International Friction. “We could have pushed for a standard plug. But that would be too simple. Instead, we built a heavy box you must carry everywhere. It reminds you that you are far from home.”

The adapter features three different plugs that slide out. They often get stuck. The unit is so heavy that it falls out of loose hotel outlets. This is a feature, not a bug. “Gravity testing is part of the experience,” explained Walter Washington, Head of Accessory Dependence. “If the adapter stays in the wall, you might forget it. By falling out constantly, it ensures you never leave it behind. That is customer retention.”

Sales remain strong. Travelers seem resigned to their fate. They will carry dongles until the end of time. The industry has no plans to standardize. The profit margins on confusion are simply too high.

At press time, Tessan announced a new “Pro” model. It is the size of a toaster and requires its own seat on the plane.

Inspired by actual events.