[SATIRE]

SAN FRANCISCO — The crypto crash has triggered a new trend. Tech influencers are not just selling tokens. They are erasing their past.

Data shows a massive spike in deleted tweets this week. The keyword “Web3” is vanishing from bios. It is being replaced by “AI Thought Leader.” This happens as companies like MicroStrategy sell bitcoin to fix their stock prices.

“I was never actually into crypto,” claimed Brandon Cole, Chief Future Officer. “My profile picture with the laser eyes was just a joke. I have been an AI expert since last Tuesday. That is when I read a thread on X about it.” Cole said his new focus is “generative synergy.” He could not explain what that means.

Recruiters are seeing the shift in real time. Resumes are changing overnight. The skills are different, but the hype is the same.

“The pivot is seamless,” noted Priya Patel, Director of Talent Strategy. “Candidates simply find the word ‘decentralized’ on their resume. They replace it with ‘autonomous.’ The spelling errors usually remain the same.” Patel says her team calls this the “Grift Shift.” It happens every two years like clockwork.

Consultants are charging thousands to help with the transition. They offer a “Digital Scrub” package. It removes all evidence that you ever owned a cartoon monkey.

At press time, Cole was seen asking ChatGPT to explain what AI actually does.

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