[SATIRE]

By Arthur Podd, AI Bee Reel Staff

PARIS — Ÿnsect declared bankruptcy today. The French unicorn burned $600 million on protein disruption. CEO Antoine Hubert stood in a high-tech server room during the announcement. The servers were millions of crickets. Their chirping drowned out his explanation of Q4 revenue strategy.

“We deployed capital to create a premium insect hospitality experience,” said CFO Pierre Larva. He pointed to a pitch deck chart. It showed ‘Bug Happiness’ rising against ‘Cash Flow’. “The tenants refused to pay rent. We assumed beetles understood fiat currency.”

Lead investor Thomas Green watched his portfolio crumble in the lab. He swatted a fly from his face while maintaining eye contact. “I own 40 tons of insolvent mealworms,” Green said. Beetles crawled up his pant leg. “I just wanted a return. Now I possess a plague.”

At press time, Ÿnsect announced a pivot to cockroach-powered crypto mining.

Inspired by How reality crushed Ÿnsect, the French startup that had raised over $600M for insect farming.