Spotify raises price to fund AI DJ that breathes loudly

AI satire illustration: Spotify raises price to fund AI DJ that breathes loudly

NEW YORK — Spotify confirmed reports Tuesday that US prices will rise next year. The standard plan will jump to $19.99 per month. The company says this pays for "critical innovation."

The main new feature is an AI DJ. It pauses music to breathe loudly into your ear. It also sighs during sad songs.

"We found that music is too seamless," said Elena Rodriguez, VP of Audio Experience. "People miss the sound of a stranger standing too close. Our AI adds that human friction back into the playlist. That level of intimacy costs money to run."

Reports show record labels wanted a price hike for years. They argued inflation made music too cheap. Spotify agreed but decided to spend the money on servers.

"Computing power is not free," explained Robert Kim, Head of Strategic Monetization. "Generating a realistic cough before the chorus takes a lot of energy. We call it ‘Smart Interruptions.’ It ensures you are actually paying attention to the track."

Kim noted that users cannot turn this off. It is baked into the core audio file. The company claims this adds value to the subscription.

At press time, Spotify announced a Platinum tier. For $29.99, the AI will hum along slightly off-key.

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