“Talking is just too much work,” said Dr. Aris Thorne, VP of Innovation at Cerebro. “We want your brain to do the heavy lifting.” Experts say EEG headsets will soon be as common as watches. “You just have to focus until your eyes water,” Thorne added. “Then the ketchup bottle might open. It is seamless.”

“It takes practice,” explained Linda Wu, Director of User Experience. She watched the youngest Miller son cry. He thought about video games by mistake. The mashed potatoes flew onto the ceiling. “That is user error,” Wu said calmly. “He needs to clear his mind of fun thoughts to get butter.” The family has not eaten since Sunday.

At press time, the family passed out from exhaustion trying to mentally summon a napkin.

Inspired by the real story: CES gadgets now promise to boost mental health and track brain waves like heart rates. Read the full story.