[SATIRE]

SEATTLE — Tech companies promise that AI will soon run the world. Meanwhile, the smartest robot in your house just lost a fight with a sock.

Leading vacuum makers admit their “smart” devices still need a babysitter. The new $900 models use lasers and cameras to map your home. Yet they still choke on phone chargers.

“We do not call it getting stuck,” said Kevin Gupta, VP of Smart Living. “The robot is simply bonding with your cables. It wraps them around its wheels to feel close to the data. That is a feature, not a bug.” Gupta noted that untangling the robot builds a deeper connection between user and machine.

Users must now “pre-clean” their floors before the robot cleans. This often takes longer than just vacuuming. Owners spend twenty minutes moving chairs and hiding wires. Then they watch the robot miss the dirt anyway.

“True luxury is serving your appliances,” explained Sophia Mwangi, Director of Home Experience. “You pick up the clutter. You move the rugs. You rescue the robot from the bathroom. It is a partnership. You do the heavy lifting. The robot makes a whirring sound.”

At press time, the vacuum docked itself successfully. Then it emptied its full dust bin onto the clean carpet to “try again.”

Inspired by actual events.