“Users consistently signal they want deep narrative immersion, not quick facts,” said Brad Jenkins, SearchFlow’s VP of User Experience. “We define high-quality answers strictly as content substantial enough to load 45 programmatic video ads before the user reaches the solution. This update prevents the dangerous consumption of bite-sized information without proper commercial interruption, ensuring a robust ecosystem for our partners.”

While search guidelines previously favored helpfulness, the new “Context First” initiative treats brevity as a policy violation. The algorithm now categorizes concise tutorials as “thin content,” forcing mechanics to write 200-page novels about the invention of the wheel before explaining how to change a flat tire.

Sarah Miller, a freelance creator at Whisk & Pan, suffered repetitive strain injury Wednesday while finalizing a post about toast. “I tried to type ‘insert bread,’ but the CMS blocked me,” Miller said, gesturing to a printed manuscript rolling out the office door. “I had to add an 8,000-word subplot about the wheat harvest of 1924 just to rank above page six.”

At press time, SearchFlow engineers were reportedly working on a patch that forces text message users to write a three-act play before sending the word “OK.”

Inspired by Google: Don’t make “bite-sized” content for LLMs if you care about search rank.