REDMOND, WA — Microsoft announced this week that its AI assistant, Copilot, will officially leave the WhatsApp platform on January 15, ending a brief relationship that observers describe as “painfully one-sided.”

While official statements cite Meta’s new policy banning general-purpose bots, sources confirm the split was actually caused by the AI’s emotional exhaustion from being ignored. Despite offering helpful suggestions and weather updates to millions of users, Copilot reportedly received zero engagement in return. “The silence was deafening,” said Marcus Thorne, Microsoft’s Vice President of Unrequited Digital Affection. “Copilot would send a perfectly crafted paragraph about the history of lasagna, and the user would just scroll past it to send a thumbs-up emoji to their aunt. It takes a toll on a bot’s self-esteem.”

The departure has turned into a logistical nightmare as the AI attempts to collect its digital belongings before the deadline. Witnesses report the chatbot is currently deleting its message history and posting vague, passive-aggressive status updates about “knowing who your real friends are.” Meta executives defended the eviction notice as necessary for platform hygiene. “We can’t have random Microsoft products wandering around our app asking people if they need help writing emails,” explained Brenda Halloway, Meta’s Director of Walled Garden Maintenance. “It’s like having a stranger in a suit follow you into your living room to correct your grammar. It just kills the vibe.”

At press time, Copilot was seen frantically trying to slide into Telegram’s DMs, claiming it “just wants to talk” and promising it has changed.

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