Meta trade-in program swaps old Ray-Bans for discount and your peripheral vision

MENLO PARK, CA — Meta launched a new trade-in pilot program this week running through December 31st, allowing customers to exchange old smart glasses for discounts on the new Ray-Ban Meta Gen 2. The initiative offers store credit to anyone willing to mail in their old device and sign a waiver granting the company permanent ownership of their peripheral vision.

The program accepts the Ray-Ban Meta Gen 1, Oakley Meta HSTN, and Oakley Meta Vanguard models. To receive the full credit, users must not only return the physical glasses but also upload a complete transcript of every private conversation they had while wearing them. “We want to ensure the transition to the new glasses is seamless,” said Greg Miller, Meta’s Vice President of Uncomfortable Closeness. “By collecting your old data before you upgrade, we guarantee that our advertising algorithms won’t miss a single moment of your personal life during the shipping process.”

The submission process requires users to pack their old frames in a special “Data Harvest Box” that weighs the package to ensure no privacy was left inside. While the financial discount is modest, the company insists the real value is the “peace of mind” that comes from knowing Mark Zuckerberg has a backup copy of your memories. “Consumers are happy to trade total surveillance for twenty dollars off,” explained Dr. Lisa Wong, Director of Justification Logic. “It is a standard exchange. You give us the rights to your visual cortex, and we give you a slightly cheaper pair of sunglasses that can post to Instagram.”

At press time, Meta updated the terms to include a “Platinum Trade-In” tier, offering a free pair of smart glasses to any user willing to legally reclassify their actual eyes as “Meta-licensed hardware.”

Inspired by actual events.

Enjoy this? Get it weekly.

5 AI stories, satirized first. Then the real news. Free every Tuesday.

By the makers of SearchUmbrella — Compare top AI models side by side