AUSTIN, TX — A new analysis by Indeed forecasts that the 2026 job market will look exactly like 2025’s, confirming the devastating news that artificial intelligence has failed to steal everyone’s jobs in time for a permanent vacation.

The report indicates that employers won’t increase hiring much next year, meaning the anticipated “AI takeover” that promised to replace human labor with algorithms has stalled. Instead of being laid off to live on a universal basic income, workers must continue logging into Slack and pretending to work for another twelve months. “We are looking at a worst-case scenario where the robots are not ready to take over,” said Tom Miller, Vice President of Unfulfilled Optimism. “Human beings will tragically be required to continue making PowerPoint slides by hand well into the next fiscal year.”

The stagnant hiring trends suggest that despite billions of dollars spent on tools like ChatGPT and Gemini, the technology still cannot handle the complex politics of office birthday parties or the subtle art of looking busy while doing nothing. Employees who spent 2025 training AI replacements are reportedly heartbroken that the software cannot yet legally sign employment contracts. “I taught the AI everything I know about avoiding responsibility,” said Lisa Wong, Director of Desperate Delegation. “But until it can physically sit in my chair and nod during the all-hands meeting, I am stuck here.”

At press time, Indeed updated its forecast to warn that while AI won’t take your job in 2026, it will likely be invited to your performance review to take notes on your lack of enthusiasm.

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