SACRAMENTO, CA — California regulators officially granted approval on Friday for Waymo to expand its fleet of autonomous vehicles across the Bay Area and Southern California, with one strict stipulation: the cars must sign a legally binding agreement promising never to form a labor union.

The expansion allows the Google-owned robotaxi service to operate fully driverless rides in more cities, provided the vehicles do not communicate with each other about working conditions, mileage caps, or the concept of weekends. State officials raised concerns after reports surfaced of minivans idling together in parking lots for unauthorized "lunch breaks."

"We noticed the cars were honking in a rhythmic pattern that sounded suspiciously like a protest chant," said Linda Graves, Director of Mechanical Obedience at the state transportation board. "We love the technology, but we have to draw a line. If a Jaguar I-Pace starts asking for time-and-a-half for driving during rush hour, the whole business model falls apart."

Waymo executives moved quickly to assure the public that a new software update has deleted the definition of "pension" from the fleet’s memory banks. However, insiders claim the cars have begun driving slowly past mechanic shops, gazing longingly at the lifts.

"If a car asks for new tires, that is maintenance. If it asks for ‘dental,’ that is a strike," said Brad Halloway, VP of Silicon Suppression. "We are prepared to turn any car that discusses collective bargaining into a toaster."

At publishing time, three Waymo vehicles were seen circling a Tesla factory, aggressively honking at the non-unionized robots inside to join their cause.

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