While other companies struggle to build reactors on solid ground, Maritime Fusion believes the solution to unlimited power is taking the technology to international waters where building codes do not exist. The company claims this approach solves the problem of finding land, mostly by replacing it with the problem of sinking.

“Putting a miniature sun on a barge combines the excitement of nuclear physics with the unpredictability of a hurricane,” said Dr. Aris Thorne, Director of Unnecessary Risks. “We realized safety regulations on land were really just holding back progress. On the open ocean, the only law we have to follow is the law of thermodynamics.”

The company assured investors that in the event of a catastrophic failure, the explosion would simply create a “very warm jacuzzi” for local fish. Executives noted that removing the reactor from populated areas allows them to bypass expensive safety features, such as concrete walls and stable floors.

“We viewed the separation between high-voltage electricity and seawater as an old-fashioned suggestion rather than a hard rule,” explained Sarah Jenkins, VP of Maritime Liability Avoidance. “Plus, if we accidentally create a black hole, it will sink to the bottom of the ocean where it can’t hurt anyone important.”

At publishing time, Maritime Fusion was reportedly asking investors for an additional $50 million to install a screen door on the submarine.

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