BOCA CHICA, Texas — Following reports that the newest SpaceX Starship booster was significantly damaged during testing early Friday, company officials announced the rocket had successfully completed a “surprise compression test.”

While video footage appeared to show the massive silver tube crumpling under pressure, engineers insisted the vehicle was simply demonstrating a new feature designed to save space. The incident, which occurred during a propellant load test, left the rocket looking like a stomped soda can.

“The media sees a crushed fuel tank; we see a rocket that is easier to ship,” said Miles Prower, SpaceX Director of Optimistic Engineering. “We are moving away from the old idea that rockets need to be straight. The future of space travel is crinkled.”

Elon Musk reportedly praised the team for finding the booster’s breaking point so quickly. Sources say the company is now pivoting to a new strategy where rockets are pre-broken on the ground so they don’t have to break in the sky.

“This wasn’t a failure,” added Sarah Jenkins, VP of Explaining Loud Noises. “It was a rapid conversion of a high-tech vehicle into a very expensive modern art installation.”

At publishing time, SpaceX crews were seen attempting to inflate the booster back to its original shape using a standard bicycle pump.

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