While the software promises to help with video ideas and data, early users report the AI mostly offers medical advice on how to unhinge the human jaw. The program reportedly scans video thumbnails and rejects any image where the creator looks calm, happy, or sane.

“Our data proves that the biggest barrier to viral fame is the physical limit of the cheek muscles,” said Trent Shouter, Palo’s Director of Aggressive Attention. “Palo simply points out that if your uvula isn’t visible from space, you obviously don’t want viewers bad enough. We are just doing the math.”

The tool has already drawn praise for its “Shock Factor” feature, which automatically adds a red circle and a giant arrow pointing at nothing in the user’s family photos. However, some testers complained that the AI locked their computers until they agreed to bury themselves alive for 50 hours.

“It kept telling me my eyes weren’t ‘bulging with enough existential terror’,” said Jenny Vlog, a lifestyle creator. “I tried to upload a cookie recipe, and the AI asked why I wasn’t giving away a private island in the first three seconds.”

At publishing time, Palo had successfully convinced a gardening channel to set a Lamborghini on fire to increase viewer retention.

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