KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia — The government of Malaysia is moving forward with a controversial Social Media Ban for anyone under 16, forcing a generation of teens to navigate the terrifying waters of face-to-face conversation.

While Communications Minister Fahmi Fadzil insists the new Online Safety measures are necessary to protect children, the sudden removal of digital screens has plunged thousands of youths into chaos as they attempt to interact with the physical world. Early reports indicate that teenagers are struggling to understand that their parents cannot be “muted” during dinner.

“We are seeing mass confusion across the country,” said Dr. Aris Ahmad, Director of Pre-Digital Existence. “Kids are walking up to strangers, holding up their lunch plates, and staring silently until someone gives them a thumbs up. They simply do not know how to function without an algorithm telling them what to feel.”

The situation escalated when schools reported students raising their hands to “unsubscribe” from math class, only to learn that physical attendance is mandatory. Other teens have reported eye strain from looking at three-dimensional objects for more than six seconds at a time.

“It is a difficult transition,” said Sarah Lim, Vice President of Awkward Silences. “My daughter tried to ‘swipe left’ on a plate of vegetables and knocked it onto the floor. She was shocked to discover that gravity does not have an undo button.”

At publishing time, local hospitals reported a spike in minor injuries from teens walking into lamp posts because they couldn’t find the “minimap” in the corner of their vision.

Inspired by actual events.