“We ran the numbers, and fitting this many computers requires a lot of flat, rectangular land,” said Sarah Jenkins, Google’s Vice President of Infinite Sprawl. “Nebraska is basically a motherboard waiting to happen. We plan to replace the corn with graphics cards and the cows with backup generators. It is the only logical way to ensure our chatbot can write haikus faster.”

The project requires removing all existing towns, but the company promises the transition will be smooth. Residents will be allowed to stay if they agree to hold extension cords or fan the servers manually during hot weather. Google admits the energy usage may dim lights in neighboring states, but insists the trade-off is necessary to improve search results.

“People complain about losing their family farms, but think of the convenience,” said Mark Diller, Director of Necessary Sacrifices. “Before, you had to wait three seconds for an AI to generate a picture of a cat in a spacesuit. Now, it will take two seconds. You’re welcome, America.”

At publishing time, Google announced that Nebraska was already full and they had submitted a bid to purchase the Dakotas.

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