SAN JOSE, CA — Federal prosecutors have unsealed an indictment charging four tech executives with smuggling restricted Nvidia chips to China, alleging the group tried to pass off the powerful supercomputer parts as “very expensive paperweights.”

The indictment claims the company’s CTO orchestrated a complex scheme to bypass export laws, which mostly involved putting the high-tech chips in boxes labeled “Generic Office Supplies” and hoping no one looked inside. Authorities became suspicious when a shipment of supposed staplers was insured for $40 million.

“We noticed the ‘staplers’ required their own industrial cooling fans and drew 700 watts of power,” said Agent Mike T. Barnes, Director of the Bureau of Obvious Crimes. “Usually, office supplies don’t hum when you plug them in. That was a red flag.”

The demand for AI hardware has turned computer chips into the new gold bars. Prosecutors say the executives went to great lengths to hide the illegal export, including creating fake invoices that listed the processors as “modern art sculptures” and “rectangular frisbees.”

“There is a fine line between international smuggling and just really wanting your overseas branch to have fast computers,” said Dr. Arin Ray, Vice President of Accidental Treason. “We believe this was just a simple shipping error involving highly restricted national security assets.”

At publishing time, Nvidia stock rose another 4% on the news that their products are now valuable enough to require a criminal defense attorney.

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