“We looked at the numbers, and Earth is simply too full of people and oceans,” said Marcus Thorne, Google’s Vice President of Infinite Sprawl. “The moon is just sitting there doing nothing. It’s a prime location for server racks, mostly because we don’t have to pay for air conditioning in the vacuum of space.”

The project, dubbed “Lunar Storage,” involves covering 80% of the moon’s surface with graphics cards. Engineers admit the logistics are difficult, particularly the plan to run a 238,000-mile extension cord from a frantic power grid in California.

“Some people are worried about the tides stopping,” said Sarah Jenks, Director of Planetary Reformatting. “But we have to ask ourselves: do we want high tide, or do we want the chatbot to write funny poems faster? We believe humanity prefers the poems.”

At publishing time, Google admitted the moon would only provide enough storage for another eight months, and has officially placed a bid to purchase Mars.

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