AUSTIN, TX — Cybersecurity giant CrowdStrike confirmed Friday it has fired a "suspicious insider" responsible for a reported data breach, clarifying that their systems were not technically hacked but rather "politely unlocked from the inside."

The incident, which involved an employee passing internal screenshots to a hacker group, has highlighted the difficulties of fighting an insider threat when employees are just trying to be helpful.

"Our digital walls are absolutely perfect," said Brad Jenkins, CrowdStrike’s VP of Explaining What Went Wrong. "The problem is that Dave in accounting thought the hackers were just very aggressive auditors who really needed to see our network diagrams immediately."

While the company insists its core software remains secure, experts say the breach demonstrates the limits of technology. Despite spending millions on alarms and locks, the security model failed when a human being decided to simply open the window.

"We spend billions keeping bad guys out," said Janet Cobb, Director of Password Post-It Notes. "But we can’t stop an employee from rolling out the red carpet just because someone on the internet asked nicely."

At publishing time, CrowdStrike announced a new security feature that requires two employees to turn physical keys simultaneously before anyone is allowed to reply to an email.

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