“We built a global empire teaching children complex math, but it appears we forgot to apply those subtraction skills to our own bank account,” said Kevin Gupta, Byju’s Director of Very Hard Lessons. “When the court mentioned a billion dollar lawsuit, we thought they were asking us to solve for X, not actually pay it.”

The situation escalated when lawyers suggested the missing funds might look like fraud to the untrained eye. The defense team argued that the money wasn’t stolen, but merely “digitally misplaced” in a cloud server that no one has the password for.

“This judgment assumes that ‘Introduction to Corporate Responsibility’ is a core requirement,” said Sarah Jenkins, VP of Financial Creativity. “But in our view, paying back investors is really more of an elective course that we decided to drop after the add/drop period ended.”

At publishing time, Raveendran had reportedly asked the judge if he could pay the $1.07 billion judgment using 400 million unused tablet subscriptions.

Inspired by actual events.