“If you have a fence, you’re just daring someone to jump it,” said Brad Miller, the FCC’s newly appointed Director of Reverse Psychology. “By deleting our security rules, we are confusing the enemy. They won’t know what to bypass if there is nothing there. It is the ultimate chess move.”

Under the new guidelines, major internet providers are encouraged to replace complex digital locks with the “Honor System.” Officials claim that previous regulations only created unnecessary paperwork for foreign spies trying to steal data.

“We spent millions on digital walls, and people still broke in,” said Sarah Jenkins, VP of Cost Cutting at a major internet provider. “Now we will just use a ‘Do Not Enter’ sign. It’s cheaper, and frankly, it’s more polite. We believe hackers will respect our boundaries if we just ask nicely.”

At publishing time, the FCC was seen taping a spare key under the welcome mat of the national power grid, just in case anyone lost theirs.

Inspired by actual events.