[SATIRE]

SAN FRANCISCO — Reddit announced a major update to its feed algorithm this week. The goal is to fix a critical bug in the user experience. That bug is your ability to choose what you read.

CEO Steve Huffman recently said parts of the site “suck.” He was referring to the feeds where users see posts from communities they actually joined. The company says this old model is inefficient. It relies too much on what you want.

“The problem with subscriptions is that users are predictable,” said Linda Rossi, VP of Feed Optimization. “If you subscribe to a gardening group, you only see plants. That creates a very boring echo chamber of satisfaction. Our new system fixes this. It injects content you never asked for. This keeps you on your toes.”

Data shows the new “Discovery Engine” is working. Users now spend 40% more time scrolling. They are mostly looking for the content they originally came to see. But to the algorithm, that searching counts as engagement. “We call it ‘Serendipitous Friction,'” explained Marcus Washington, Director of User Attention. “You might call it ‘clutter.’ But the numbers say you paused for three seconds to figure out why you were seeing a video of a welding accident. That is a win for us.”

Washington noted that the “Hide” button is also being updated. It will now require three clicks and a short survey.

At press time, Reddit announced a premium feature. For $15 a month, the app will let you see the top post from a subreddit you actually subscribe to.

Inspired by The Reddit CEO Is Making a Big Change Because 1 Part of the Site ‘Sucks’.