[SATIRE]

LOS GATOS — Plex confirmed this week that free remote streaming is ending. Users must now pay to watch their own files when away from home. The company calls this a “sustainability initiative.”

The update targets users who built their own servers to avoid monthly fees. “We noticed a concerning loophole,” said Jennifer Wu, VP of Revenue Optimization. “Users were buying hard drives and organizing their own media. They were enjoying their content without paying us a subscription. We have successfully closed that gap.” Wu noted that the new fee ensures users feel the true weight of their library.

The change affects anyone who leaves their house. If you are on your home Wi-Fi, watching is free. If you step into the yard, you owe Plex money. “It is about defining value,” explained David Rossi, Director of Strategic Barriers. “We provide the digital doorframe. You own the house. You own the furniture inside. But we own the door. You should pay to walk through it.”

Critics say this defeats the purpose of a personal server. Plex disagrees. They claim the payment adds a “premium feel” to movies users bought ten years ago. The app will now check your location every few minutes. If you disconnect from home Wi-Fi, the movie stops until you enter a credit card.

At press time, Plex announced a new “Nostalgia Tax.” It charges five cents every time you rewatch a show you have already seen.

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