[SATIRE]

SAN FRANCISCO — OpenAI revealed the secret to its fast product launches on Thursday. The company simply removed the step where they check if the software works. Executives call this new method “Zero-G Shipping.”

Internal documents show the strategy relies on speed over accuracy. “We realized that testing is just a lack of confidence,” said Sanjay Patel, VP of Rapid Deployment. “Why double-check our work? That implies we might be wrong. We prefer to ship first and apologize later.” Patel explained that the old way was too slow. Engineers used to waste days fixing bugs. Now, the AI writes the code and uploads it immediately.

The company now relies on a new system for quality control. They call it “Twitter.” If a product fails, users will scream online within minutes. “Our users are the best testers in the world,” noted Chloe Dubois, Head of Community Patience. “They work for free. They are very detailed when they are angry. It is a perfect system.” Dubois added that finding bugs is actually a feature. It makes users feel smart to point out errors.

At press time, OpenAI announced a new “Thought-to-Ship” tool. It uploads code the moment an engineer thinks about it.

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