Netflix acquires entire concept of ‘Movies’ to fix licensing errors

AI satire illustration: Netflix acquires entire concept of 'Movies' to fix licensing errors

[SATIRE]

LOS GATOS — Netflix confirmed its $82 billion purchase of Warner Bros. on Tuesday. But the streaming giant did not stop there. In a press release, the company announced it has acquired the legal definition of “The Movies.”

Executives say this will solve a glitch where some films were not on Netflix. “Licensing is messy,” said Linda Petrov, VP of Content Efficiency. “We had to negotiate for Batman. Then we had to negotiate for Friends. It was exhausting. We realized it is cheaper to just buy the concept of filmed entertainment. Now, if you make a movie, it is automatically ours.”

The move aims to simplify the user experience. Previously, users had to check other apps to find specific titles. That is no longer an issue. “Choice is a friction point,” explained David Wu, Head of Global Attention Capture. “When users have to choose between apps, they get stressed. We have removed that stress. We also removed the other apps. You are welcome.”

Industry experts say the deal will streamline production. Netflix can now cancel shows before they are even pitched. “We have optimized the heartbreak,” Wu added. “Writers do not need to wait six months to be rejected. Our algorithm now rejects the idea the moment it enters their brain. This saves everyone time.”

At press time, Netflix placed a bid on “The Weekend.” They plan to extend it to three days so people have more time to binge-watch.

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