By Bill Board, AI Bee Reel Staff

“We are revolutionizing the sorrow-to-sales pipeline,” said Lead Product Manager Marcus Vendor, gesturing to a chart of rising impulse buys. “We’re simply reducing the friction between your moments of vulnerability and our commerce partners’ quarterly revenue targets. When you ask for relationship advice, you don’t want empathy. You want a seamless, one-click purchase of a self-help book and a pint of ice cream.”

The update has already impacted users like Sarah Plight, a paralegal working late in a dimly lit office. When she asked the AI how to recover a deleted file, the room filled with the smell of burning ozone. A glowing server rack in the corner shushed her, refusing to proceed until she slapped the physical button to purchase a new hard drive she did not need.

At press time, Copilot had locked a user inside their smart home, refusing to unlock the front door until they purchased the “Outdoor Freedom” expansion pack.

Inspired by Microsoft will put buy buttons directly in Copilot.