AUSTIN — By Matt Ress, AI Bee Reel Staff

February 14, 2026

MENLO PARK, CA — Social gatherings are finally efficient. Mark Zuckerberg walked into a crowded house party today wearing the latest Meta smart glasses. He paused, looked at a smiling guest, and saw giant red letters projecting “NET WORTH: LOW” over the man’s face. Zuckerberg immediately robotically pivoted away to find a better target.

“The ‘Name Tag’ feature saves precious seconds,” said Marcus Thorne, VP of Human Interaction. “Why ask ‘how are you’ when you can instantly see their credit score and last three job titles via our AI assistant? It streamlines friendship.”

The glasses also prevent awkward mistakes by syncing with your inbox. “If you ignored someone’s email in 2019, the glasses flash ‘AVOID’ in bright yellow,” explained Dr. Linda Chang, Director of Eye Contact. “It also alerts you if a person likes to talk about their dreams or cats. You can simply walk away mid-sentence. It is very human.”

At press time, the party ended abruptly when Zuckerberg’s glasses labeled the host “Unprofitable” and auto-called an Uber.

Inspired by the real story: Meta is reportedly testing a facial recognition feature for smart glasses that identifies people and pulls up their details. Read the full story.