“We are committed to a sustainable future where latency never interrupts a user’s dopamine loop,” said Marcus Chen, VP of Infrastructure. “By partnering with innovators like Oklo and TerraPower, we ensure that generating a single AI-enhanced image of a dog wearing sunglasses utilizes roughly the same energy output as a mid-sized aircraft carrier. It is about efficiency and ensuring that when you ask Meta AI for a cookie recipe, the physics of the universe bend to your will immediately.”

The initiative aims to address the soaring power demands of generative AI, which requires massive computational resources to suggest replies you will never use. Local residents near the proposed reactor sites have expressed concern, but company officials assured them the radiation risk is minimal compared to the toxicity of an average comments section. “If we have to split the atom to ensure your aunt’s Facebook recipe group loads 0.4 seconds faster, that is a sacrifice we are willing to make,” noted Sarah Kim, Director of User Experience, while adjusting a Geiger counter that was clicking rhythmically next to the breakroom microwave. “We simply need to harness the destructive power of the atom for every 12 seconds of video content.”

At press time, Zuckerberg was seen asking facilities management if the spent fuel rods could be repurposed as limited-edition Ray-Ban Meta smart glasses.

Inspired by Meta signs deals with three nuclear companies for 6-plus GW of power.